I have felt that I had this sort of repellant quality about me when it came to having to be involved in group projects at school I was the booby prize–someone was ‘stuck’ with me in their group and they tried to ‘deal with it’. Knowing this, it is hard for me to initiate forming a group, when it is required of us, because I know I’m just putting people on the spot and they have to come up with a quick, polite answer for why they can’t work with me. Anyway, the need for required groupwork was upon us in the first week of classes, and I called two women in the hopes that one of the two of them would ‘bite’ and we’d somehow find a third person. I left vague messages on both their voicemails…this was sort of strategic (and felt mean), for now “warning” them that I wanted to talk about this group thing. Both called back, and the long and short of it was that neither sounded uncomfortable (I think), and as the conversation moved forward, each, independent of the other, sounded like they really wanted to work with me on the two potential topics I had thought of–meaning, in a matter of a few minutes, I had two utterly pleasant, human conversations that lead to the complete formation of the triad group I needed for the project.

Also, a number of classmates have been much more open about how they are feeling regarding the rigors of the school program we are in. This is a huge shift, because in the past I thought I was completely alone with the awful insecurity, confusion, disorganized feeling, and loneliness of the journey. Now people are commenting, to me, about their pain. I hate to say misery loves company, but there is something to say about shared pain as far as the comradre to help encourage each other through it.

Last, three women have revealed, quite suddenly, deeper issues in their lives regarding the challenges they are having with their spouses, aside from school. School complicates and compounds issues that already exist, but they were talking about the deeper root issues. With me. Under non-school pressures, this would be commonplace, but this school experience compounded by health issues (and some energy issues), has kept me from having normal, deeper sharing with others.

All of this has been a wonderful gift. It has been incredibly uplifting. I feel much more hopeful, and I owe it to this change in how others are responding to me. I am grateful for what I have and hopeful that there’s more good stuff to come. I feel much more alive when I have meaningful human contact! Yay!!! And thank you.
W

The grounding and clearing you provided made a significant difference! I sailed through a 15 hour day of purging and packing! Every time I felt dizzy or off balance I took the time to ground myself, stay in gratitude and drink lots of water! Understanding what was (is) occuring on an energetic level helps to take the ‘scary’ out of it.

Heart & Soul Hugs,
~Schelli

I had a dream that I had a cockatoo in a bag on the counter. It’s head was free, but it was laid on its side in this bag. I think it was injured and I was trying to figure out how best to take care of it. After awhile I think, “Maybe I need to give it water or somthing” but when I go back it has died.

When I tried to think about the dream and ways that I’m like a cockatoo (in captivity), I think I feel trapped, my wings feel clipped, I’m scared and angry about that, I have a big presence, and my natural voice isn’t particularly pretty but people are trying to teach me to ‘talk like people’. About the death of the bird, as the human in charge, I feel sad, disappointed in myself for not taking better care of it and protecting it.

In real life, I was with a friend who found an injured flicker and and he felt it would not survive and wanted to find the most humane way to kill it. He decided to put it in a bag, then in a box, outside in the cold. I fought hard to have him consider other options, including the fact that it might survive. I lost the fight.

The other dream/nightmare: I am back in the home I grew up in. For some reason I have my large desktop computer there, which includes a large tower and large monitor. I go to do something on my computer and it’s gone. Someone’s stolen it. I rely heavily on my computer for communication (at this time, my survival at school definitely depends on having it)…and there’s a common analogy about computers being like a brain. I can’t believe someone’s stolen the computer because it’s so huge (and it has all of my school work on it), and they’ve left everything else. I look up and see that the window lock is not engaged, and run to the back door and the locks are all unlocked. I find this very weird and just before I lock the back door, I get this familiar fear that there is an intruder in the house and I don’t want to impede his ability to get out by locking the doors. I just want him out!

In real life, my parents always locked EVERTYTHING, and doors had several deadbolts as well as the door lock. I also had repeated nightmares about intruders in the house, except they weren’t there to steal stuff–they were there to do harm.

Well, I haven’t pieced it all together, but the feeling is that these are huge dreams around what Nancy worked on with me yesterday. The themes of death and communication are both huge in these dreams, as are my fears and anger around it. Sooo, there it is!

Next week, I hope we there’s some more clearing and cleaning on these issues. Thanks so much Nancy!
W